Have you ever had that dream where you are standing at the edge of a cliff, staring down at the bottomless pit … with your blood singing in your veins and heart pounding like a piston? You have the choice to retrace your steps, but you don’t. You take that one step further and jump, and then you wake up. Relieved that it was all just a dream.
Sometimes, life reflects that dream. You come at that precipice where you either go back to your mundane, routine life; or you take the plunge. Into that unknown, risky and totally scary future.
I have always been known as that practical, no-nonsense, reserved kind of a girl who everyone came to for advice and no guy dared to waylaid. It’s only my innermost circle of friends, that have been privy to those occasional flashes of rebellion.
And now, on the other side of 40, when one is supposed to tone down the wildness and settle into the customary family life, I find myself drawn inexplicably to the vagaries of life. I cannot explain it, or understand it even … but the pull of the unknown is growing stronger day by day.
And now, on the other side of 40, when one is supposed to tone down the wildness and settle into the customary family life, I find myself drawn inexplicably to the vagaries of life. I cannot explain it, or understand it even … but the pull of the unknown is growing stronger day by day.
So much so, that a random offer from a complete stranger to set out on a road trip has set forth an insane desire to take it up. It isn’t that I am unaware of the perils involved, of the possible consequences … but so what? I am willing, and ready, to walk into nothingness, but in the meantime, I will have lived my life, to the fullest. Till the very last moment. Dating danger is so utterly terrifying, and so darn exhilarating!
“Padhara aa chotiki ee chotikantana
Neetho ye chotikaina ventane rana...
Let’s go, would I question the direction.
Rather I would follow you to any destination…”
If it hadn’t been for my family, tying me down, I would have upped and left, right at that moment.
Of course it isn’t as if I don’t love my family … I do. To bits. They are the ones holding me together, an oasis of sanity in the midst of this crazily insane scenario … and holding me back, from embarking on that journey into the uncertain destination.
This insane desire to pack my bags and set out - for the unknown - without any idea about the consequences, can be self-destructive. And while a part of me, the sensible, practical part, is whispering caution into my ears, the more rebellious, risk-loving part is in no mood to listen. And my best friend, instead of knocking some sense into me, is actually urging me to go ahead! Seriously ... (she is a Gemini, what else do you expect?)!!
“Kaalam nedila maarene
Parugulu theesene
Hrudhyam vegam veedadhe
Vethike chelime needai nannu cherithe...
Time has changed today,
speeding up.
Heart won't lose its pace
When the shadow of friendship in its quest reaches me…”
I am still trying to understand myself at the moment. I’ve become too used to the old me, and this drastic character shift is so not in tune with who I am/ was, that I am confused, as to which one is the real me. As someone I just recently met, asked me whether I am a Geminian (I’m an out and out Leo!) … clearly reveals the conflict and contradiction within. This is probably the upshot of hanging out with my best friend too much.
Whatever it might be, I am willing to take a chance and follow my heart. The outcome doesn't matter, the destination isn't important ... it is the journey that I am looking forward to.
So, here I am, waiting at the edge - ready to take that one step ……………… and FLY!!
P.S: Dedicated to that stranger mentioned above. If you are reading this, and I hope you do ...
Thank you. For everything.
